How to F*ck a Woman by Ali Adler

Author:Ali Adler [Adler, Ali]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781602862838
Publisher: Weinstein Publishing

Chapter 6

Cracking the Code

What the Hell Does She Really Want?

“Now act like you like it.”

She noisily puts a new roll of toilet paper onto the empty holder with an exasperated sigh. Her pen digs into the grocery list paper as she emphatically writes something down that you just obliviously ate the last of. She wants you to hear her noisy clues. But, the thing is, most of the time you just don’t. And if, by random chance, you were focused in on her long enough to clock it, you’re not stupid. You’re certainly not going to comment on it. “Why are you sighing?” Why would you ask this? You don’t ask for the same reason you don’t lick your finger and then jam it into an exposed light socket. You tell yourself, “Keep your head down, keep on moving. Clearly you’ve done something wrong.”

All she wants you to do is ask her what’s wrong. But you won’t. After all, the way her ass just moved when she was angrily jotting down the words “Fruit-at-the-bottom cherry yogurt” has you distracted. Now you’re just thinking about her bottom. Or cherries. Or her mouth when she eats yogurt. It’s all a jumbly mess to you, but you know you want sex. However, hear this: when you piss off your lady, she’s not looking to get fucked out of her bad mood. If you suggest it, or worse, take an action to make this happen, she will be pissed off. She doesn’t want what you want. You want to fuck away your feelings. That feels nice to you. She wants to duke it out emotionally, be acknowledged, validated, and recognized.

To women, feelings are like expensive, rare white truffles. They are so costly, shaved paper thin with a razor to add resonant flavor to everything. To men, these same precious truffles are dirty, shit-coated fungi. Men don’t want to talk about this stuff because men have something most women do not have: a sense of goddamned urgency. A driving forward march; a need for emission. They are motivated by the power pack inside their nut sacks. Less talk, more action. Actions always yield more results than theory. It’s the fuck-and-make-up approach, versus the find-something-new-to-be-wounded-about method.

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